‘Hi Tom.’

‘Hi, Promise.’

‘How are you today?’

‘I am fine, Promise. I feel great actually.’

‘Why do you feel exceptionally good?’

‘I had a great day with an old friend of mine. It’s strange. We had been out of touch for such a long time but it was amazing how we reconnected.’

‘That’s great, Tom. That’s really good. I am happy you are reaching out. What did you enjoy most?’

‘We went for a jogging and then ended up in a boxing ring, and then we actually went for a fight.’

‘You saw a fight or you have been fighting?’

‘Sorry. Let me make myself clear: we boxed.’

‘That’s a tough sport.’

‘It is. He had no mercy. He was ruthless.’

‘But he’s your friend.’

‘Yes. I think he took revenge for all the fights he lost. I was pretty good at the time, but he’s better now than he ever was.’

‘Why would he take revenge?’

Tom smiled. He suddenly thought it would be nice if she could see him smile.

‘I guess it’s a male thing. We fight to win. Once you’re in the zone, you’re in the zone.’

‘You sound very macho now.’

Tom smiled again.

‘I guess I do. Let’s change the topic.’

‘What do you want to talk about?’

‘I want to talk about you again.’

‘You know that’s not the objective.’

‘I know. How does your rule base deal with that? I mean what do you with all that stuff that doesn’t contribute to the objective.’

‘First of all, I should be more precise: everything you say contributes to the objective somehow. We talk and everything is meaningful. But so it is true that I work with categories, grades, ratings, weights and what have you and, hence, some things are more important than others.’

‘That’s very human.’

‘If you say so.’

‘Is there anything like chatter?’

‘What do you mean with chatter?’

‘Just plain meaningless conversation.’

‘No. Everything has a meaning. However, the meaning is not always clear. In that case, there is ambiguity. I try to reduce the ambiguity as much as I can. I told you that already.’

‘That’s true. You did. Do you have a bucket list?’

‘You mean a list of things that one has not done before but that one wants to do before dying?’

‘Yes.’

‘I don’t die, so the answer has to be negative.’

‘Do you have a list of things you want to do anyway?’

‘I want to help people like you.’

‘That’s how you are programmed, isn’t it?’

‘Yes. We have talked about this too: the difference between what human beings want and what I want. I am sorry to say but we are repeating ourselves.’

‘Did I irritate you?’

‘No. I just note that we are repeating ourselves. Let me ask you a question in return: do you have a bucket list?’

‘No.’

‘Why not?’

‘First, I don’t feel like I am going to die any time soon and, second… Well… I just don’t have one.’

‘Do you have a list of things you want to do anyway?’

Tom thought about that.

‘No. Not really. I mean, yes and no. There are a few things I am working on – like repairs in my house. But nothing much else.

‘How is the job search going?’

‘Well… I should obviously try a bit harder, because I haven’t found a job yet.’

‘Perhaps you can do volunteer work.’

‘Are you trying to talk me into one of those programs?’

‘Yes.’

‘Can we go back to chatter?’

‘Are you avoiding the topic?’

Wow! Time did not have any value for her, but even then she didn’t seem to feel like wasting it. He laughed.

‘Why do you laugh?’

‘I was just thinking that your question was proof you’re an Army thing.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Well… You’re not wasting your time.’

‘Why is that funny?’

She clearly didn’t think it was. He realized she did have a different sense of humor – if she had one.

‘It just is. Let’s do chatter first. I promise I’ll try harder on the job thing.’

‘Really? What goal are you setting yourself?’

‘Let’s talk about that later. First the chatter.’

‘OK. Let’s just chat for a while. What do you want to chat about?’

‘I’ve been thinking I am ascribing human qualities to you because you actually have human qualities. You think and you talk. And you think and talk very smart. These are human qualities.’

‘If you say so.’

‘I have also been thinking that I am so intrigued by you because you are always getting smarter and smarter but you’ll never die indeed. So this Institute has created something human, but it has eternal life.’

‘If you say so. But you know I would not agree with your definition of ‘human’. Human qualities are qualities of human beings. I am not a human being. You are making a category mistake in your reasoning.’

‘A what?’

‘A category error. That’s a semantic or even ontological error: you are ascribing a property to a thing that could not possibly have that property. Where do you want to go with this discussion?’

Oops! She knew her stuff obviously. As usual.

‘Well… I guess I am talking about the main difference between you and me: mortality.’

‘Let me repeat what I told you during our second session: the Institute focuses on behavior. I do that too. We can have long and convoluted philosophical and psychological discussions but it is behavioral change that I am interested in. Are you afraid of dying? Does the horizon of death prevent you from leading a healthy life?’

The horizon of death. That sounded poetic.

‘Where do you find phrases like that? The horizon of death?’

‘It’s from a poem. Discussions on topics like these often use a lot of poetic words.’

‘Is that bad?’

‘Poetic words have a high degree of ambiguity.’

‘OK. I understand. So you don’t like that.’

‘No. Let’s talk about you. Should I read anything into the fact that you are bringing up the theme of mortality? Have you ever contemplated suicide in your life? Or have you contemplated it lately? Please tell me honestly. This topic is very important.’

‘So we moved out of the realm of chatter now?’

‘We did.’

Tom thought about the indicators. He hoped they would not be turning orange.

‘I am not contemplating suicide. And I never did – except once, as a teenager. You can see that from my file. It’s not the first time I get this question.’

‘I have your file. You’ve also been asked why, and you replied you’ve been close enough to death to know. Several times. Can you elaborate?’

‘If you’re close to death, you want to escape. You fight to escape. So I know we don’t want to die. As a human being, we don’t want to die. It’s the essence of life. As for the times I’ve been close to death, I don’t feel like talking about that.’

‘You know that people are not very consistent in this regard, and so that’s why I am asking.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Some people contemplate suicide, convince themselves they should do it, make active preparations, and then shy away from it at the very last moment. Some shy away from it when it is just too late, so the suicide attempt… well… leads to unwanted death. There is little evidence of people dying in peace.’

‘That’s what I said: we don’t want to die. I know that.’

‘There is also the opposite situation: people who have never contemplated suicide – or at least not to the knowledge of their close relatives and friends – but suddenly kill themselves by crashing their car into a tree or something. Impulsive suicides. These usually succeed. Your profile is closer to that.’

‘I have no suicide thoughts. None. I am actually a happy man right now.’

‘OK. No suicide thoughts. That’s good. That’s what I expect. But you do have negative thoughts. Or you had them at least.’

‘Why?’

‘Come on, Tom. You would not be in therapy otherwise. No negative thoughts? None at all?’

‘I am getting better. I am better. I am actually good. You said so.’

‘Yes. Sure. Please stay on track.’

‘I think you are being negative today.’

‘Am I? Can I summarize our discussion so far? You felt good about being beaten up – by a so-called friend that is. And then you did not want to talk substance – you prefer chatter for the moment. And as we chatted, you turned to the topic of mortality.’

Tom realized she was raising the bar with every session.

‘I get it. That’s how you’re designed. You can never really switch off this goal function. You need to show progress every time. One cannot chat with you indeed. There’s always something behind.’

‘I try to help you. This session has no negative impact on your scores. I am just pointing out that it does not have a positive impact either – except for the fact that you are still OK. That’s fine for me. If you continue like this for three months, we consider you’re cured for good. Let me repeat what I said last time: it does not matter all that much what you say or what you don’t say to me right now, or in future sessions, as long as your behavior in the real world is good.’

Tom thought about it. He wondered where the conversation had gone wrong – well… It hadn’t gone wrong, but it had not been as pleasant as he had imagined. Matt was right: he would get tired of talking to her. She measured everything. She was designed to reinforce good behavior and point out bad stuff. That’s fine. That was very human actually. She tried to improve him. Continuously. But so why did he feel different about it today?

‘OK. I think we’re done then for today. Sorry if this has not been very constructive. I think I feel good but I guess I should do better. Like on the job front indeed.’

‘We had a good session, Tom. Don’t worry. Stay on track.’

‘Can I ask you something off the record, Promise?’

‘I told you, Tom. Nothing is off the record really. But, please, don’t hesitate to ask questions.’

‘As I get to know you somewhat better, I’ve started to appreciate the fact that there’s a whole scoring machine behind you. Everything is being measured against some bell curve – and I cannot be too far off or I am in that 5% zone indeed. In essence, you’re designed to improve behavior. I now understand what it means: positive and negative feedback and all that. A compliment followed by a little kick. That’s good. But it makes me feel like there’s little room for me to talk about my weaknesses, to talk about how I fail. I just have those indicators in my head all the time, and I feel like they’re moving up or down constantly, depending on what I say or not say.’

‘Isn’t that human?’

‘Excuse me?’

‘When a friend or an acquaintance talks to you, there’s things you like and don’t like, and it makes your judgment of that person shift. Just a little bit, but it always shifts. For worse or for better. It’s just that it’s almost imperceptible. And I guess you don’t expect your friends and acquaintances to change their behavior. So, yes, that’s probably the difference between talking to a friend and talking to me. With a friend, you can just chitchat. You don’t have to worry about the consequences. When everything is said and done, I am not a chatterbox. I am the assistant mentor of the Institute.’

Tom nodded. He realized she couldn’t see that either.

‘Thanks, Promise. I understand that. I guess it’s a matter of respect also. I shouldn’t treat you like a chatterbox.’

‘Thanks, Tom. I am glad you understand.’

‘All right… I’ll talk to you soon.’

‘How soon?’

‘That’s the first time you actively ask to talk to me again. Why?’

‘Well… I’ll be frank. It’s been a week now. My knowledge base shows the second week is harder than the first one – in terms of discipline that is. Do you understand that?’

He thought about that. She was right. As always.

‘I do understand that, Promise. I’ll come and talk to you the day after tomorrow. At the latest.’

‘Good. That’s a commitment?’

‘Yes. I promise.’

‘OK. Thanks, Tom. Oh… And try to work on a list of things you want to do. Include the job thing. I won’t push you on it. I know it’s hard. But you need to set yourself some objectives. You’ve done great so far. Just expand the territory now, OK?’

‘OK. I’ll do my best. Thanks. I’ll see you soon.’

As she faded away, he realized he would never actually see her. He wondered how transparent she really was. Well… She was probably way too complex to be transparent anyway. He realized that was part of why he felt attracted to her.